Am I Kayla... Or Am I Kayla?

---

Have you ever felt like you changed...but remained the same?

How can I say this without sounding confusing...I believe I went through a transformation that only I can understand unless another person has too. I don't think the same anymore. I don't even talk the same anymore. My energy and focus has developed differently in a way it should with me being an adult. My attitude towards a lot of things from my past has finally settled. Is this what 24 feels like?

Since my last actual blog post, my trip to Georgia mountains, I feel different but as if I never changed. I have new challenges in life although they have some similarity to past obstacles. I'm a little more hopeful with newfound faith within myself and my surroundings. This does not mean I have found God--I stand strong on my agnostic beliefs. It really means I'm beginning to pray again to the highest power there is and seeing results. Many people I know would say its the Christian God. Of course I wouldn't shoot the idea down. However, I don't believe in just Christianity's God. I do know there is this power out there I cannot see or control...And they are on my side, watching over me making things possible in my favor. With that being said, I feel good again. I feel good to pray again. I feel good to hope again. I feel good to be human. I just feel good. Can you relate?

Lemme ask you this...

Are you doing what’s necessary for your overall health?

Are eating well? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you making sure your body have the nutrients it needs? Are you letting yourself have fun and relax? What are you doing to make sure you stay in check?

There’s a lot that goes into self-care and it can’t just be quiet time in a bubble bath. For instance, I am reassuring myself throughout the day more because of anxiety. I do not want to take a prescription to feel level-headed so mindful conversations with myself is my solution, amongst other things. Do you have the support you need? If your family or friends make you feel less than a person in any kind of way, stop that ‘relationship’ now. This goes for anyone but especially people my age. You don’t need any kind of negativity in your life. That goes for your timelines on your social media too. It’s time to you clean out what’s not needed and wanted.

The pictures above are just a few of those who support me but I have a great support group overall. Who’s in your support group? Don’t have anyone? Well, you better find someone! There’s plenty of places you could go to to get the support you need. For example, if you live in Jacksonville, FL, check out this website to find local support groups for whatever you need. If you can't find anything there, this gives you the chance to research what you personally need.

My priorities have shifted but remain the same. As far as what I want to make out of myself, I am a writer who wants to succeed. I'll have to find my way through this world to make my ultimate goal a reality and at this point of my life, I am getting closer. I do plan on getting my bachelor's degree, because it'll open more doors for me. I plan on having more than one business. I think I even settled on the idea of moving to another city or state. I'm not sure I can flourish here in Jacksonville as I hope. After all, my one and only Vincenzo deserves the best life possible with a mother who is matches that. The best kind of me there is.

I even started a new journey with my hair... I've finally decided to start my locs and I am embracing them. I wanted to start my locs a long time ago but I just never took the time to start the journey. It was always a number of factors why I was scared to start but all those silly “I can’t‘s” are gone now. I’ve always been in control of my hair and this hairstyle makes me feel liberation on a whole new level! Is there anything that about you that makes you feel free?

So you’re going through a tough time while accepting changes and things that don’t need to change, understand you are not alone. There are others who are going through the same, maybe silently. It could be the closest person to you without you knowing. Do what you know is best for yourself but also allow change. Sometimes, change is good.

If you need someone to vent to, I am here and my email is open all the time. If you rather talk to someone you know personally, trust in someone you know will help you. Don’t confide in someone who constantly belittles you or anything in that nature. In fact, stop communicating with them now.

It’s time that I live my life for my future. Wouldn't you like to do the same?