Misguided

Where is nourishment when it doesn't come from home?

I'm begging and pleasing to be noticed 

I sink deeply into my notebook trying to look for the answers 

Not even my poetry can stop this anguish 

People pleasing left me on E 

I felt neglected mentally but still took the time to show up for others when needed 

I cried silently because I hate confrontation 

My soul is the gatekeeper for peace and happiness 

But what's the catch when others can't seem to throw positivity your way?! 

I was away from the crowd; my heart was never allowed to be shown what real love is from the start 

Trauma amped me up and left me tumbling headfirst 

I kept doubting myself and my self-worth 

Was I good enough for you? 

Was my love what you wanted or needed?

See there's a difference between the two 

But for some they'll get it confused 

Tell me if I cry in front of you would you care to console me 

Would you hold me closely to your heart? 

Or push me away allowing me to fade away slowly 

I gave you my all and you tore my apart