No Change So I Accept

Coming to age of a new decade,

I’ve realized something about you.

You’ll never change.

Maybe when it is convenient for you but when has anything about me made that true?

Avoiding the truth, I had told you multiple times about her…

The long nights of exploration.

The days of dreaming of running away or a eternal vacation. 

Solving hunger through a tv commercial.

Barely any stimulation of a young girl’s mind,

Humiliation was the always the perfect crime. 

But in the end, you chose her over me.

I’ve watched you do it all my life and I had become obsessed with finding you in them.

Just to find out there are worse beings to walk upon this reality.

My reality… 

Was that I would have to learn how to love myself with only maternal support.

A long time coming, and I’m still learning,

But I finally found him.

And he is not you. 

Well, I was found and now that I’m even more protected,

I’m not scared anymore.

My inner child still hoping for retribution,

With a bit of honest contribution—

I had to break her heart because of the years of confusion.

One after one…

Time after time.

I became the last priority on your list.

Being genuinely loved by you simply became a miss, not a hit.

Practicing gratitude,

I can only be mindful of what you didn’t teach me.

How you didn’t protect me…

Leading to trust myself a little more and getting through the deadliest events a young woman could ever experience.

With you…

Near you…

But also, in your absence. 

Coming to age of a new decade,

I’ve realized something about you.

You’ll never change.

And I have finally accepted that.