Untimely Travels

He always told me he loved me and I always seemed to believe him. Why is it that this man had so much power over me? I mean, he shouldn't mean a damn thing! He's just a guy...But guys can break your heart. Your heart is like a playground to them and they play on it all day until they're tired of it. That's when they drop you and your heart falls into pieces. Pieces that are transparent to them and mean nothing. Not a damn thing...

Well, screw you, Travis! Screw you and all those love songs you made on your guitar. Screw all those poems you sent me on Saturday mornings. Screw your handsome smile and good looks...the way your cheek dimpled when you laughed. I hate you, Travis--for what you did to me. You made me fall in love like some stupid teenage girl hoping her celebrity crush would notice her out of millions of girls. I thought I was your everything and yes, I fell for those words too. Why am I so stupid! Fuck..!

I can't be too mad although you left me. You left me for some alternate universe with a prettier girl in it, right? You left me for a solution only in your mind would work out. How was this plan supposed to help me? I mean, I knew you thought about it but I didn't think you would do it! I thought our love was strong enough to hold you. I thought it was strong enough to show you that I did love you.

Did you even love me back?

Of course you didn't. You left me without even warning me. All I have to remember of you is the last Friday we spent together, out by the lake with your guitar. Oh, Travis, the song you made for me was so beautiful and I was too naive to see what you were really saying. I hope you burn in hell, you prick. You don't know how much it hurts to know you're never coming back. How could you do this to me? You said we were going to run away to California, hitch hike our way all over there! I can't do that alone...You know what they do to girls like me? They will take my soul and eat it right in my face, Travis. So I'm left here with all these idiots, like my parents. They never understood our love and now my mother is telling me I should have seen this coming. My father says you were always going to end up no good anyways. Who are they to say what you were? You were sweet and collected with a little bit of instability. You kissed me like I was the only girl who could please you. You made love to me like it was our last...And Friday was our last.

Now I'm stuck with the guilt. Would you even still love me? Do you even still love me? I'm building my future now, Travis and I wish I had your approval so I could know how you'd feel. I want to keep our dream alive and go to California. I'll go there and live out your dream. I'll share your poems and love songs with the world, so they can know how beautiful your mind was. You won't be mad if I show them, will you? I hate you for leaving but I still love you. I don't think I'll ever love another guy like you but if I do, he'll have to be something like you. Forgive me, Travis. My emotions are going crazy now but I guess that would be my fault...

Don't ever forget me.