When It Matters

My heart has whispered today,

For the first time in months.

It gave a soft cry, like a newborn waking out of her sleep.

Felt like a chill, the anticipation has ran deep.

It is a miracle;

I thought it died and I continued to live a false reality.

Look what years of abuse has done to me.

My heart, it caressed itself into my soul once again.

The burnt out flames were sparking furthermore.

"Why have you been so stubborn and naive?"

Have I lost myself completely?

She gazed upon my presence and

The sight of who she seen was disappointing...

As if the new and improved was annoying.

The battle between them, my heart and mind

Has come to a menacing halt.

So who am I to blame, who's at fault?

She has watched me lose control and gain it back.

She has been there for emotion, something I wished I lack.

She has swept the tears into a jar, pushed it towards the back,

On the highest shelf, in the deepest sack.

"Come back to me, come back."

I no longer feel safe so I must put her away too,

For her safety is the only thing that matters.

Who am I without her?

Better yet, who I am with her?

I feel foolish, even possessing her.

"It's okay to feel..."

Oh, how I wish her absolute hope is real.

Her untouched, raw emotions keep me alive but

Some of her actions make me want to explode.

How do I stop her, what's the code?

She has gotten me into my darkest troubles,

The worst relationships of my life, just a couple.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

I tell her no, because no matter what,

She is genuinely there...

When it matters.